Locked out of Heaven

     What an amazing weekend!  Man, I just cant get over it!  The 20’s dance was so fun, but then again I am one of those hyper-chaotic-arms-flailing-likes-that-bass kind of girls, so I tend to love dances.  Just letting loose and having fun, really not caring is how I like it.  Plus it is always fun to dress up!  I loved themed dances, because you get to be creative and be someone you are usually not like.  Maybe it’s because I never was the type of little girl to dress up as princesses, (I preferred to be a dragon, much cooler in my opinion and they were my favorite animal.) maybe thats the reason I am now enjoying dressing up so much, some sort of need I did not fill as a child, while most other girls did.  Or maybe it’s just because it’s fun.  Either way the dance was a blast.  It was just fun to spend time with friends new and old, get together with all of these people I enjoy so much.  

     One night that started off my weekend was not ideal though.  So this may be a rough analogy, but right now it feels right in my mind. (but that just might be because I am writing this late at night, and am getting slightly exhausted).  So this last Thursday I believe, my good friend and dorm mate Lindsay and our partner in crime Matt and myself were all hanging out, chatting and what not.  Anyways it starts to get really late and we decide to part ways and get some rest, because all of us were in some way, shape, or form starting to fall asleep.  To those of you who wear contacts you’ll know what I’m talking about when they start to hurt and get blurry and you can barely see out of them.  So, blind a bat, I start to get ready for bed.  My actual room mate was asleep and I did not want to wake her up, so I dumped all of my stuff in our room, grabbed everything I needed and left the room quietly.  Right as I was about to close the door, I felt impressed to leave the door slightly open.  But, being tired, and trying to be considerate, I did not listen and shut the door so that I would not wake my roommate up with the hall light.  I get dressed, brushed my teeth, yada yada yada, and I’m ready for bed.  Any who, skipping along to my room, I reach for the handle and it doesn’t open.  I try again and the door won’t open.  I was locked out.  We still are not sure how the door got locked, but all I knew was that I could not get in and my keys, phone and any means to get in were on the other side of the door, out of my reach.  I tried picking the lock with a bobbie pin (which I have never done before and was quite unsuccessful with) and jiggling the handle some more but nothing worked.  Now my roommate is a really heavy sleeper so I was not expecting her to wake when I knocked multiple times, and sure enough, I was left outside the door, only wanting to be in my bed.  With no other option, I grabbed my spare towels from the hall closet and headed for the couch (Now if you live in Heritage, you know these couches are no comfy cloud, they’re slightly stiff and a tad uncomfortable). There I made a makeshift nest with a bathmat as my pillow and a beach towel to cover my body.  Not the most ideal set up but I did not have a lot of other options.  As I laid there, certain lines of songs kept running through my head.  From Panic! at the Disco’s Miss Jackson “Where will you be waking up tomorrow morning?” and Bruno Mars’ Locked out of Heaven.  “Cuz you make me feel like, I’ve been locked out of heaven”  Right then and there, my bed sounded a lot like heaven to me.  As I was laying there I kept thinking about how I should have kept the door slightly open, how I should not have closed it.  It made me sorta think of how we should be with our Heavenly Father.  We must always have that door of communication open with Him.  We should never close the door on Him, never shut Him out.  That’s when life gets rough.  When we keep Him in our lives and in our minds, we always have that option to turn to, always have that door open to go into.  I know I often get distracted with the world, get busy with school and callings and what not.  But that is no excuse.  We all need to have that relationship with our Heavenly Father and remember Him frequently.  I know it is an important thing, and I am constantly working in my life to try and make myself better at this concept.  

     I can not believe we have another set of midterms this week.  I love summer term, but man it goes fast!  I think we only had one week free of midterms in between these ones and our last midterms.  It’s stressful but so worth it.  I am having such a blast out here and learning so much!   

The Refiner's Fire

     This last week has been a busy one!  It’s been filled with midterms and projects and lots of activities.  At BYU they have a testing center where we take our tests at, and it’s actually really cool.  It’s the building where the most prayers are said they say (all of that pre-test anxiety, it would be nice to have some divine help).  I was so worried before going in there, that I would not know where to go, or something along that line of thought.  Once you go in though, its pretty straight forward.  I was very pleased to find out right after I turned my test in, that I had done really well on it.  Thats one of the cool things about the testing center.  By the time it takes for you to get downstairs, your score is already posted on a TV, instant results.  I kind of wish in some instances that that was how life was.  Instant results and instant solutions.  Patience is a virtue I defiantly need to work on.  

     Though this has been a good week, it has also had it’s fair share of trials.  A few days ago I found out that my family will be moving to Utah, as soon as they possibly can.  That was really hard for me to accept.  Not that Utah isn’t great and all, but my home is Missouri.  When I think about going home after summer term, I imagine going home to Lee’s Summit, not to some house I’ve never been in before in some town that I am a stranger to.  One thing I personally struggle with is change.  That's mostly human though.  We all hesitate when it comes to change.  To my surprise I have handled being on my own really well, and think I will do fine on my mission.  One constant that I always would look to though is my home, my home would be something that would not change.   Yet now it has.  While out here, I have thought to myself, “Oh, we only have like about 4 weeks and then I’ll be going home.”  But I wont be going back to Missouri, if only to finish packing and say my goodbyes.  How strange a feeling.  Though it has been hard for me to accept, I have found that turning to my Father in Heaven has helped.  He is the most important constant in anyones life.  My parents prayed about this decision and I trust that the Lord will lead us to where we need to be.  For some reason, we are meant to move to Utah, and I know that everything will be ok.  At least a part of me knows that.  I’m still working on it.  I’m trying to get into my head that it will be an adventure, that it will be fun, as I’m sure it will be.      

     This past week I was reading my scriptures and came across one verse that really stood out to me.  In 1 Nephi 20:10 it says “I have refined thee.  I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction”.  It was weird (or really cool) that I was reading that and then the lesson I taught in Sunday School was about trials and adversities that Joseph Smith faced while in Liberty Jail.  I think I may enjoy these topics so much because I am trying to look at the big picture when I’m facing trials, that they will only be for a while and that I’ll grow from them.  Many people do not view trials that way though.  They believe it is God punishing them, which in some cases it is, but really they can be instruments of learning.  By going through the trials and turning to The Lord, then he can “refine” us, causing us to become better creatures.  He is there for us in “the furnace of affliction”, to help us become better people.  When we feel at our lowest, when the heat is scalding, that is when He will assist us, allowing for us to grow the most.  He never puts us into something that He does not think we can over come.  Thats the part that baffles me.  When in trials, some people will go “Woe is me, I’m not going to be able to make it, it’s too much”.  Do they not know that we have the most powerful being ever cheering us on?  He believes in us.  That would just motivate me more to make it out on top.  I don’t know about you, but I am thankful for trials.  Sounds weird but I am.  I know they will shape me in a way that is better, changing me into a better person.  And, like most people, I am always wanting to be a better person.  

I've Been Called To Brazil!

     On Friday, the day I had been waiting for finally came.  For weeks and weeks I have been waiting on my mission call, waiting to know where I would be going for 18 months.  The day had finally come!  I will be serving my mission in Sao Paulo Brazil, reporting to the Missionary Training Center on November 20th.  I am so excited!  I had never guessed Brazil, when I would imagine where I would go, but as I read, I knew that Brazil was the right place for me.  I knew that the Lord wanted and needed me in Brazil, that I could be the best instrument in His hands there.  I am feeling so blessed right now in my life.  I am so grateful for the opportunity that I’ll get to serve, the chance I’ll get to teach many people about the Book of Mormon and our Savior, Jesus Christ.  My dad served his mission in Brazil, and has already begun telling me about the country.  We’ve decided that when I get back home in the fall, he is going to start teaching me Portuguese, which I’m so excited to learn.  One of the things I’m looking forward to the most is meeting the people.  

     Some people may ask me why I am serving a mission.  In the Mormon church, it is expected for guys to go on a mission, but it is not something girls must do.  They can if they want, but it is not required of them.  So why should I go?  Why not stay in Provo, continue my education, and possibly get married sooner?  I want to serve a mission because I know what I will be teaching is true.  I know the blessings it will bring to the lives I teach it to.  My testimony of this gospel is so strong, that I can not imagine myself not being a missionary, not being in a role where I can share it with many people.  My mom is a convert to our church, and if it had not been for the missionaries, then she would have never become a member, never met my dad, and I would have never been born.  My mom is one of the strongest people I know.  The measure of her love for the gospel and her testimony is one I hope to someday be comparable to.  I look up to her example so much.  I have seen the blessings of the gospel in her life, and I want others to be able to have that same joy that I see in her because of it.  Ever since I was a little girl, I had wanted to go on a mission.  At a young age, I did not know why, I just knew I wanted to.  Yet, as I’ve grown older, I’ve been able to nail it down as to why.  I know the gospel is true.  I want others to know about their Savior and the very real love He has for them.  I want others to know of the joy I have in this gospel and to be able to be a part of it.  I want families to benefit from it, and know that they can be together, forever.  That -plus lots of other reasons, but it’s late and I’m sure I’ll list them later, in another post- is why I want to be a missionary.  That is why I want to leave my home for 18 months, go to a foreign land, speaking a foreign language, and preach the gospel.  Because I know it is true.  

A Land of the Free, Because of the Brave

Happy Fourth of July everyone!  Isn’t it just a wonderful day!  I just love our country so much.  You might say that it is because I was raised by very patriotic parents (hello, my name is Kennedy, my brother’s is Harrison, and we have a dog named Justice), but I think more than that, I see the blessings that come from our ancestors and living in this land.  Now before everyone starts freaking out about our national debt, or gun control, or even President Obama, yes I acknowledge that our country can sometimes have some problems.  But doesn’t everywhere have issues to work out?  This day is meant to look back on where we have come from, to recognize the lives that have brought us here, to love our independence that we are so blessed to have.  We live in a country that is competitive, always moving, and one that is free.  I believe freedom of religion is one of the ones I appreciate the most. 

     I am so thankful for our troops, past and present.  Jay and Heather Hertzler, you guys are so amazing to me and I love you guys so much.  One of my best friends, may be the perfect example of strength.  Mason is right now training to become a part of the Marine Special Forces.  He has gone through years of JROTC in high school and has gone though rough training for days and in some cases, weekends.  Mason is amazing.  He always seems to make everyone smile or laugh.  He is my age and going off to serve our country... that is just so mind blowing to me!  I know I personally would not be strong enough to do that.  I love that there are guys like Mason, young men and women who want to protect our country.  I am so very thankful for that. I want to write more, but I'm about to go see some fireworks.  Have a safe and wonderful Fourth! 

     

Light in the Wilderness

     I am writing this as I sit outside, enjoying the lovely day it is today.  Can I say how thankful I am that in Utah it is just a dry heat?  It is so nice that the shade is actually refreshing, not like Missouri, where the humidity pollutes the air and it is uncomfortable to be outside, no matter where you are at.  It’s one of those days where there is a slight breeze and birds are chirping in the trees I’m sitting under.  Literally, I can not even tell you how beautiful this campus is.  It’s so peaceful here.  It’s not just the location though, it’s the people too.  Everyone here is so nice!  I haven’t seen any polls about it, but if I were to guess, I would guess that BYU is the friendliest college campus.  You could be walking, just enjoying the day, and that moment when you pass someone going the other way, instead of both looking down, avoiding eye contact, here they look you in the eye and genuinely smile.  Most of the time they say “hi” too, or something to that nature.  It makes me feel like everyone is friends here, that we are very happy to be here and all want to do good.  With that mindset, how could we not be nice to everyone we see walking on the grounds we share?  The only problem with this is, with meeting lots of people and making lots of friends each and every day, you have to learn a lot of names.  I may be one of the worst people out there when it comes to remembering names.  It’s the struggle for me. I think I might be getting better though! Maybe!

     Last night was our first official Family Home Evening night.  (not familiar with the term?  It’s ok, it’s a Mormon thing.  Basically it’s family night, filled with fun and usually a spiritual thought.  At BYU, since we are not with our real families, we are divided into groups by our ward and they are our “family”.)  Any who, we met up and played this game called “Signs” (I would explain it, but it would take the rest of this post to do so) and if you have never played it, you really need to.  It is SO FUN!  Before we knew it, an hour and a half had passed and we were still playing that game.  As I was thinking about last night, I just really became thankful for my church and for BYU.  With the honor code and that fact that it’s a stone cold sober school, I don’t have to worry.  I don’t have to worry about tons of people getting drunk or partying too hard.  BYU to me is just proof that you can have fun and enjoy life without drinking, or doing drugs and other activities of that nature.  I have been having so much fun, and I would not change a thing.  

     As I was reading The Book of Mormon for my class, I came across one verse that really stood out to me.  1 Nephi 17:13 “And I [God] will be your light in the wilderness; and I will prepare the way before you, if it so be that ye shall keep my commandments...ye shall know that it is by me that ye are led.”  I just really love this scripture.  It’s so comforting to me, to know that our Father in Heaven will not abandon us.  I’m not sure why this scriptures about not being left alone are standing out to me so much.  It may be that when I am facing a trial, I tend to think that only I can conquer it, that only through me can I over come it.  We never have to be alone.  Our Heavenly Father will be that light that we need, the one to guide us through the adversities that we face, the daily ones and the ones that are harder to over come, those that take more time.  All we need to do is keep His commandments and ask for His help.  Simple as that.  He will be our light.  Man, I just love that.